Gwyneth Paltrow

Alright let's talk about Great Expectations. It's an excellent book but I'm gonna try to apply it to my life. Alright I feel that there's Great Expectations for me that's applied by a great woman. But my expectations for myself are far from great. She always wants the most from me.

I guess I should start being content with what I get and I don't get fuck all. I want Aurelie. I got two gifts to give to her on her birthday, the 23rd of February. I can't describe it here because that would be giving it away. I hope Aurelie's gonna like the gifts.

Aurelie is this 17 year old. Her birthday's on the 23rd of February. And I know her cause she works at a coffee shop right by my place. Or did work. I don't know if she works there anymore. I got her gifts cause I like her.

Well I had a good day. Did you know about American Devices? I bought two gifts and a CD. And the CD was by American Devices. Sounds like punk with no singing, like Nevertheless. That's a band from Edmonton, Alberta.

On the bus today I said out loud “oh yes you should!” And Brooks said “what are you talking about Ugo?” I was saying something that can be applied to many inner thoughts on the bus. It's about personal relations. Then I put my hand on the hand of the girl next to me and she said “don't fucking touch me.” Well that just goes to show the STM is not a gigantic porno like I originally thought.

I'm thinking about that woman on the bus. I guess she was kinda hot, in a punkish sort of way.

(Ugo gets up suddenly)

Brooks calls after him, “Where you going buddy?”

“To your room.”

“What for?”

“To see if you've got any gifts.”

“Oh, like your obsession maybe?”

“Yeah.”

“That would be quite a gift.”

“It's all about going back. You get up to do a crazy thing, and on the way back, it's important to check all around you.”

“How come?”

“Well you may have some something hiding on you.”

“Like what?”

“AK47 wielding women.”

“That's a joke I said one time, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Does it help to turn these kinds of thoughts into jokes?”

“Yeah.”

“What's another good joke?”

“A rabbit and a bear were taking a shit in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit 'do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur.' The rabbit said no, so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.”

Ugo Gets In Trouble

For a change we went to Caffe Olimpico. I'm in deep shit. Cause I broke the door at my home. And I, well, I put pressure on the door and it broke. I guess they didn't make the door strong enough to support Ugo's weight. And it's like I wanted to go outside so I made for me to be able to go outside whenever I want, but the thing is, I can go outside whenever I want now, but I don't, so what's the point?

It's like I might have to go back to the CHSLD. It's way far in Southeast Montreal. It's a centre hospitalier de soins longue duree. It's all full of old people. It's not for me, that's for certain.

My mom's really worried and I kind of am too cause that would suck really hard to have to go back to the CHSLD.

My mom suggested that going in my room and lying in my bed and listening to music is the definite answer to all my woes. All my woes. I'm thinking in realistic terms but I guess that non-realistic would have me getting up all the time, getting up and seeing if the woman is there. This darn obsession of mine is getting me in into a shitload of troubles.

In my room you can get away with whatever you want because it's your space. But in my room there's just a bed always calling me, so it's like either going to bed or leaving the room, but I know that going to bed is a big no-no in terms of being hit on by women. I mean no woman can hit on you if you got your eyes closed.

Drawing of Milika

This is Milika.  

"Who is Milika?"

"She is the one that got away"

"What do you mean by she got away?" 

"Umm, I can't even remember the last time I saw her." 

"Where did you meet her?"

"I met her at Café Olympico"

"Why did you decide to draw a picture of her?"

"Cause I was hoping to see her again.  I'm not sure how or where but I was hoping to ask her to come and choose one of the two drawings I made of her."

"If you see Milika again are you still going to offer her a drawing?"

"I'm going to offer for her to come and see the drawings and pick the one she likes."

November 30th Brooks and Ugo

We're sitting in Molson Park. Brooks and I, that is. It's November 30^th and there's snow all around us. It's about 1:30. We're killing time before seeing La Vie d'Adele, a lesbo movie.

Brooks says “Look how small my boots are compared to yours. I'm half the man you are.”

I reply, “I'm not a man at all.”

“What do you mean you're not a man?”

“I can't perform my manly duties in a relationship.”

“You mean sexually?”

“No”

“You mean just in terms of having a relationship?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that why you have your obsession?”

“Yeah, to make up for it. And this is the point where I call you a liar.”

“About what?”

“About the question that I never asked.”

“What's that question?”

“Do you see her?”

“It's your obsession, not mine Ugo. I don't see anything.”

“My obsession takes good care of my accompagnateurs. She let's them think that they saw her. Seeing her 

being an all important part of the process.”

“Do you believe us when we all tell you that this is part if your psychosis and it's not real?”

“My psychosis is pretty damn real to me.”

At this point we stop talking to go see lesbians making out. I end up leaving the theatre a bunch of times and a complaint is made. This ends up getting us kicked out of the movie theatre. So we got on the bus to go to Brooks' house. 

At Bernard I said let's get off here and walk. Brooks said okay, is it because of your obsession. I said yeah. He said she's not real you know. That seems to be everyone's thought patterns. So I can't believe everyone is a liar so I guess she's not real which is kind of a hard pill to swallow, but she's taken away my love of children. I mean that everything that I love is supposed to give me pleasure but she brings me pains so why's she taking away my love of children, making me think that love is pain.