“I was curious
about the new tattoo that you wanted to get. What is it going to
say?” said Brooks.
“It's gonna
say something like 'you can see the light through her dressing gown
behind her. And you can't stop shaking as you welcome her into your
bed.,'” said Ugo. “It's from Grapes of Wrath by Steinbeck. I
wanna get it on my chest. It's like an attractive quote.”
“Attractive
for women?” said Brooks.
“For men too,”
said Ugo. “Yeah. There you go. There's our blog post. Did you
masturbate today?”
“Yes. Yes I
did. Did you?”
“No.” Brooks
and Ugo both laughed.
“Why not?”
said Brooks.
“Never got
around to it. I thought about beatin' it as soon as I got up, but I
just didn't get around to it.”
“Gonna get
around to it later today?”
“Well I don't
know. I don't think so.” A moment of silence passed. Ugo got a
pained look on his face. He brought a hand up to his forehead.
“Something
wrong buddy?” said Brooks.
“Anxiety,”
said Ugo.
“What are you
anxious about?”
Ugo got up
suddenly and walked away. He came back and sat down again.
“Yeah I fell
over on the way over here,” he said. Another moment of silence.
“Wanna talk
about Tiffany, or Cara?” suggested Brooks.
“Cara's from
Mexico. She didn't give off a latino style though. Attractive young
woman. And Tiffany. Neither one of them gave me their number.”
“You asked
them both.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I
didn't get their numbers either,” said Brooks.
“Oh? You just
sent off your waves,” said Ugo. He made a giving-off-vibes gesture,
like he was casting a spell. “I guess I should learn to do that.
Ask them in my mind if they'll give me their phone number. No, that's
not it, right?”
“Well, not
exactly, but it is a kind of... being more patient. Not rushing
things. Just being friends for a while.”
“That's a
weekly thing.”
“What do you
mean by that, that's a weekly thing?”
Ugo looked at
his cell phone. “What did you text me earlier?”
“I texted you
'slightly late, be there soon.' I wanted to ask you what you meant by
that's a weekly thing.”
“Well, not
calling her every ten seconds. Or every day for that matter.”
“Right, it's
like that time we played paintball.”
“Well I just
went out and shot everywhere. You remember? I'd just go 'AHHHH!' and
start firing?”
“Yeah, and
then what happened?”
“Well I got
shot, but I wouldn't go down if I was shot.”
“Just like
with women, in a way. You rush in, get shot down, and you just keep
going.”
“But don't
make it out that I'm some sort of Cassanova. 'Cause I'm not. Not even
close. I'm a busted up Cassanova.” Ugo brought out his cell phone
again and started dialing. Brooks' home phone started to ring.
“Is that you
calling me?”
“Don't answer
it,” said Ugo.
The phone kept
ringing. It went to voicemail.
“Hello I was
wondering if [Brooks' roommate] Jo's around. Okay, thanks, bye.”
